peeking in a box

Half full. This is my answer whenever I ask myself what the state of my heart is. I know for sure that I am still pouring into my life the waters of the Lord. 

I was recommended to continue my service as a Mission Volunteer for some months for I still have to surrender some of my fears to the Lord. I still have to grow more confident in Him. I still have to make that water overflow in my glass.

During the AIP Luzon screening interview last Saturday, I was bombarded with family questions and situations. This is where I am weak. If you want to make me cry and powerless, attack my family (but please don’t :D). If I have to give up my mission to fill the needs of my family, I will because for me, I have to be a good daughter as well. As soon as the interview finished, I realized how much love I have for them and how much I worry I have when it comes to them.

Worry is not rooted in the love of the Lord. As challenging as it may sound, we have to hand Him over our fears for He can best take care of it. I admit; I am having a hard time doing that. Since the Lord knows so well of His people, He gave me the time that I need in order for me to learn and gradually submit to Him all the fears I have.

Why go screening if you know you have this fears; if you know you’re just half- full?

Because things like this is worth trying for. I don’t want to be forever a coward, unwilling to face the challenges of my life. The test of confidence in the Lord started with this, by making a move to really follow your heart’s desire.

If admitting your fears to them would hinder your desire to go full-time missionary, why admit them?

Because I always believe in answering with your truest heart. In life, you cannot always say the things that people want to hear because it’s either you or that person will grow more in the mask of the lies you say. If I didn’t even try to admit to my leaders the fears I have, they wouldn’t know, they wouldn’t be able to help me and I might fail on the training itself which for sure would be painful.

Painful? Not more painful?

To tell you honestly, the decision didn’t make me bitter at all because I know that I needed it and the Lord gave it to me. Sure I was sad at first but that’s the joy of practicing to look at the brighter side- you develop an attitude that is more pleasing not only in your eyes but also in the eyes of others. And I am not alone in this. My friends who will go on training have been through what I am going through. They have been discerning for the past two years already. Truly, everything good in life takes time.   

Sorry for those who are disappointed but you don’t have to. I am happy. I was not kicked out of it. My leaders are in fact taking care of me, nurturing me to better. That is why I am in love with these people. They won’t just rely on your abilities and knowledge; they are more concerned with the state of your heart. If it’s half full, they’re willing to pour in more because when your passion for the Lord overflows, there’s no room for worries.

[Disclaimer: This blog means neither offense nor self-righteousness. Pure opinions.]

These past few days, weeks and months, since I don’t have one of my own, I’ve been struggling with my friends’ love life crisis. I’m not meddling with other’s problems. It’s more on analyzing and learning from it.

Even though problems are sometimes hard to handle, I know that being in a relationship is something worth having especially when it’s with the right person. Nevertheless, it’s nice being single. Friends seek your unbiased advices on their never ending love issues. When you’re single, you never have to worry on how your boyfriend/girlfriend behaves when he/she’s not with you. I have been a witness of some frantic friends, who look more than scary and funny whenever their boyfriends/girlfriends are out having a get-together of their own with their own friends.

My stand in this issue: You have to trust him/her. Love without trust is not love at all. It’s not bad to worry but worrying too much may soon eat your trust away. Worry is a product of fear and fear is one thing that we shouldn’t entertain. It is rooted in selfishness; it is not rooted in faith. People look for a faithful partner; you cannot be this if you keep on thinking of the what-ifs. You will grow miserable and unhappy.  You may unknowingly develop an attitude that can harm either you or your partner or both.

How can you trust him/her?

I always tell my friends, you have to start with friendship- the typical true friendship. Haven’t you noticed, when it comes to your true friends, it doesn’t matter what they do or say? Without any reason, you simply trust them. Real friendship is build in and last longer with trust. Worry is never a factor. It revolves in happiness and care for each other and understanding whatever one has to say. With proper manner in friendship, it’s easy to fall in and handle love.

Another concern is the exhaustion that love brings. Some gets tired of loving. Others give up on reaching the expectations of the other while a few quit because their partner never fulfill them.

How can you stop yourself from growing tired of loving?

Again, friendship plays a crucial part. When you’re friends, you know exactly what he/she can provide you. You know his/her limits. You never have to question his/her abilities and capabilities. You can never say, “You’ve gone too far. This is too much. I cannot love you anymore.” When you love a person, nothing is too much or too little. If there is too much expectation, learn to heighten your potentials. If it’s too little, learn to lessen.

As Bo Sanchez puts it, “When you love, you must not accept anything in return, for if you do, you are not loving, you’re investing. If you love, you must prepare to accept pain, for if you expect happiness, you are not loving but using.”

When you feel love is exhausting, you do not love at all. Love is not a job that requires something and you get something in return. It’s more like a career. You can do it for free. It’s just a bonus if the one you choose to love, loves you back. And when someone did, you must uncompromisingly try to make it work in the best way possible.

I’m not being self-righteous. I did love before. I tried to make it work. But there are people who are really better off apart. I’m not saying that when I enter a relationship in the future, mine wouldn’t be like those of my friends. I am prone to worries and fears. It is in my nature to have expectations. But I am not to ignore the experiences of others for they serve as a module of the do’s and don’ts of a romantic relationship. In our everyday endeavor with different people, we have to be attentive on their lives. We need not to judge them but we have to learn from them. It’s good to learn from our mistakes but it’s better if we don’t need to stumble upon our own shortcomings.

Going back, real friendship defines love. If we are to be friends with our lovers, things would flow smoothly and accordingly. For when we love, we are not just a lover. We have to play as many roles we can. We have to understand like a friend, to support like a parent, to comfort like a sibling and to love unconditionally like God. It’s hard to bear but true love always works like a magic.

Yesterday, my friends and I attended a conference talk about Real Love Revolution which was headed by the leading chastity speaker, Mr. Jason Evert. The title itself was kind of boring. As interesting as it may sound, talks about waiting for love and sex kind of bores me out already. I’ve been hearing and living it up for as long as I can remember.

But Jason gave a very remarkable talk. Straight to the point. No dull moments. Pure facts. Here are some of the thoughts he shared with everyone yesterday and I just have to elaborate some and share it with you.  No offense meant.

• “ Boys get seduced with their eyes while girls get seduced with their ears.”

True. Most men feed their hearts and souls with the things they see. They look at the body, the hair, the nails, the clothes, and even if without a single conversation with that girl, they will claim love! And girls nourish themselves with sweet chats and promises from a man. I am not saying that relying your feelings on the physical aspects is bad. Yes, love doesn’t require that but I know somehow, it counts. Haha!

“Girls go crazy with Justin Bieber and Jonas Brothers because they like what they hear from them. Have you noticed? Boys don’t go shouting, ‘Waahh! Hannah Montana!’ “  

• “ If you love this girl, why would you hide from the man who loves her most?”

This statement is applicable to those men who are afraid to face the father. Why run? Be a man and face him for he is the one who has the authority to decide whether you’re good enough for her little girl. Ladies, if your boyfriends have all these reasons, which sometimes may sound valid, not to go and tell your parents about your relationship, he is not a man enough. He loves you but not that much. He is not worth it. As corny as it may sound, a real man faces everything for love.

“ Perfect love ought to cast out all fear.”

• “Love can wait to give.”

Love is always associated with patience. Every good thing in life takes time. As my friends say, “sex is a very good thing.” So wait. It’s better to waste your time waiting for the right one to have sex with than waste your life having it on the wrong one.  

• “Know 1000+ ways of intimacy except sex.”

There are so many ways to show your love to someone. It doesn’t have to be sexual. A simple kiss on the forehead may do. I know it’s our grandparents’ thing, but I like it. I found it sweet and respectful. I mean, of all the places in the face, why kiss the forehead, right? ;p  Or go pray the rosary together. For me, it’s the most intimate when you pray with your partner.

• “If you have self- control, you don’t have to worry about birth-control.”

I don’t think I have to elaborate on this. If you don’t get it, then you’re probably using birth-control or you’re just plain stupid. ;p

• “Real protection is not safe sex. Real protection is protecting your spouse and your children.”

Jason shared this story about a wife who married someone who was sexually active even before they were married. No signs of any sexual diseases before the wedding. Wife was a virgin when they got married. After that, husband found out his diseases. And now, wife and children are sick. Don’t let this happen to your future family. Don’t even think about taking the risk and assume that everyone you touch is clean. What I learned from our generation, which is far out the most disappointing learning so far, is that even the most demure girl I know is sexually active.

• “Set your standards high.”

Don’t settle for less. You have to believe that you deserve the best man/woman. And when God sees that you are worthy of this someone, He will give it to you. No matter how impossible your ideal spouse may be, God will make a way.

• “If you love someone, sacrifice.”

Love is also associated with sacrifice. Jesus allowed himself to be crucified because He loves us. We ought to make that sacrifice for someone. You’re so stupid if you take this literally and crucify yourself in front of the girl you’ve been courting. Love can be painful. You just have to bear the pain but don’t bear the pain because of wrongful reasons. You are hurting because someone told you that they don’t love you anymore. Yes, it’s hurtful but it’s not called sacrifice! Sacrifice is when you feel pain for rightful reasons. Waiting for love is like sacrifice. It can be a little hassle and tiresome but at least, it’s worth every stress.

• “Don’t panic, you have so much time to find love. Take your time.”

See? I told you it’s stressful but it’s fun. Nothing can compare to the excitement of finally falling in love! You may grow impatient at times but with understanding and faith, it’ll come. Don’t lose hope. I’ve been doing that for twenty two years and trust me, I’m having fun. I honour those who are a lot older than me yet they still have this overflowing hope of finding true love.  I am not wishing that I would come to that age (everybody, knock on wood!).

Going back to Jason Evert’s point, don’t use sex as leverage for love. Based on my personal experience for I’ve been left heart-broken by someone I love just because I said no. You don’t know how painful it is for a girl to say no to someone whom she loves and it’s even more painful when you left her because of that reason. I am proud that I said no. I was happy because I love him but I know that it wouldn’t make me happier if I had given him his desire. It wouldn’t make me happier because it would make me less of a woman. And one thing my mother taught me,  “You reserve yourself for the one you will marry, like I reserve myself for Papa.”

To the girls who have done it, next time you’re in the verge of doing it, think first. In everything you do, it does not necessarily have to be about love and sex, you think first. Nothing beats love than doing it the old-fashioned way- friendship then courtship then marriage, no sex in between.